October 20

9:22 AM

Yesterday was one heck of a day! The past three have seemed a week! Chanel laughed at me in this "you're silly and ridiculous" way when I said that two days ago but I was the one laughing last night when she said the same thing. MUAHAHA!

Chanel and I had been planning a Happy Dashain! cake for the kids and I had been dreaming of it and wishing for it and yesterday was the day! I've been desperatley missing cooking and baking and mixing and having my hands on kitchen equiptment and sharing and hearing "this is good!" and all the gloriousness of cooking.

But here, in Nepal, with no diary, no eggs or baking soda or oven- it's tricky! Yeah, tricky, tricky, tricky. And it nearly broke my pride into two sharp and frazzled pieces.

Chanel and I had found a useable recipe online and bought all the ingredients we could find on our last trip into Thamel. Mother said dinner time would be best for cake time. So, we started at 2 pm because we couldn't wait any longer. Not one more minute could we wait! Nu-uh!

I start off so hopeful and sure. I mix all the dry ingredients. Looks normal. Mix in the wet ingredients. It looks a little different but I'm cooking it in a cast iron pot so, they can deal. This white, spoiled, western baking lady is being pushed to the limit of her capabilities but...I got this! Shit yeah, I do. Everything I bake, minus that one cheesecake (my first gluten-free attempt), is delicious. Bakingly, I'm untouchable. It'll be fine! I dip my finger into the foamy batter delicately and full of confidence and bring it to my tongue...dear lord. What. Is. That. That is not cake batter. I don't know what witches potion, April fools recipe we chose but...that is just bad. Maybe, just maybe all the nasty will cook out? That happens, right? This is where my soul starts its 5 hour death scare.

All the batter tastes awful. It's this bitterness, this inexplicable starchiness that with one small taste spreads through your entire mouth and coats it in a layer of unholiness. And this is Dashain. The whole purpose of this cake is for it to be holy.

But luckily, with some crushed chocolate and small tweeking, the cooked material, which from here on out will not be called cake, for ye who invented cake never meant for the name to be stretched so far as to include baked mush of these sorts, was able to pass as edible. Thankful, I was for finding this kind of cream cheese stuff, and this butter-like substance. I was able to make a killer-for-having-the-minimum-in-Nepal icing. And I drenched those poor excuses of baked "goods" in it. That icing was my savior. Three hours later, disappearing in a pile of used dishes, I feel defeated and mopey. I'd given up. Let them mock me! Let them belittle my skills and sense! Let them send me to the gallows! They know nothing of my troubles! Aye!

Over the next couple of hours, I shake it off and forget about the cakes with the appearance of a delivery man. The deliverance of a much talked about sacraficial goat. Though we ask many questions and assure each other that us volunteers have gotten the point and interest across, they make the chop-chop without us. It was the chop that wasn't heard around the world or even heard through the front hall. We walk down just as they are begining to scalp the headless goat. I was surprised by how often I turned my head away. Hamish took a whack at scalping it. After some time and as the sleeves began to really get rolled up, I remembered I had a crossword puzzle in my room. Yes. I may not know a 5-letter word for asian nanny, but it ain't no bloody goat.

The time for dinner comes and with the knowledge of what parts they threw into the pot, I'm halfway thinking of changing my "Sister eat meat?" answer. But I attempt to brave it, get a few pieces of small intestine down, and then end up trading all of Hamish's pickled relish for all of my pieces of goat stomach, bone and cartilage. Not one piece of meat.

But! Kids eat the cake and though I think some ate out of obligation given a couple of the faces I saw, most of them liked it! Especially Bijay. So in the end, it was a success! Happy cake and goat day to us! Happy Gaude goat day!